So, You’re Going Through A Breakup …

“Date a writer and you’ll end up as material.”

 

It’s not a diss post, it’s a real post.

I’ve been in a perpetual state of break up over the past two years. Breaking up with my fears, breaking up with dead weight, breaking up with my naysayers and breaking up with relationships that no longer serve me and my growth. I titillated with the idea of writing this post because I’ve found that when it comes to the social media-sphere, people err on the side of perfection. They like to point and stare, gawking at the audacity of authenticity. How could someone be so raw? So vulnerable? So true? If it isn’t flowery, enthusiastic and unreasonably optimistic then it’s crippling, debilitating and useless.

My response to that is “Fxck that, I don’t like people playing on my phone!”

 

As I transition from the military back into civilian life, I’ve realized the many ways I’ve leaned on situations that are terrible for my spirit, my self-esteem and my identity, all for the sake of familiarity. There’s comfort in familiarity and that’s why sometimes we cling to things that no longer serve us for way longer than we should.
There’s comfort in familiarity+that’s why sometimes we cling to things that no longer serve us for way longer than we should. Click To Tweet

It may be a piece of junk hooptie but it’s YOUR hooptie. Yeah, you could get the Benz but what about the maintenance? The miles per gallon? The technology package? You know that with your Geo Metro if you turn the engine over three times, it’ll start up on the fourth, faithfully, every time. Cognitive dissonance is a MFer. Too often, we’ll find ourselves in situations where we’ve had the blinders on for too long and before we know it, we pick our heads up from the grind, look up and ask ourselves, “How did I get here?”

Check in.

Stop committing yourself to those things, people and career paths that don’t enrich you and align you on the path you see for yourself on. Stop digging and digging, hoping and wishing that somewhere, deep down in that man, or woman, or job, or friend lies a symbiotic relationship that will fill your cup just as quickly as you pour into theirs. Are you honoring your truth or are you making excuses? “This job will do for now,” “He’s going through a tough time,” “She’ll commit in a few.” Snap out of it! Honor your feelings. Be real with yourself.

Know yourself.

When you know yourself, you assert your needs + weed out the things and people that don’t deliver.
Long gone are those gray, abstract, “when you think about it …” moments.
It either is or it isn’t. Stop making excuses for people, career choices and temporary situations. It’s NOT that complicated. It’s only as complicated as you make it. Hold YOURSELF accountable and get out there + GET IT. The person you want, the career you want and the lifestyle you want don’t need excuses or compromises. Demand the respect you want, the raise you want, the position you want or create it … elsewhere.

 

“If you’re dating a writer and they don’t write about you — whether it’s good or bad — then they don’t love you. They just don’t. Writers fall in love with the people we find inspiring.” Jamie Anne Royce

  1. McJuan V

    November 23rd, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    I’m going to echo your comments a little here. I think what you’re getting at is the tendency for people to get comfortable and COMPLACENT. In the job, a person goes from thinking “they’re lucky to have me” to thinking “I’m lucky to have a job.” How does that happen? Is it the steady paycheck and the routine, or is it the development of relationships within the structure of the organization, good or bad? What keeps a person going to a job they hate? Even if you like where you are, perhaps especially so, continuing to assess whether or not you might get a little farther isn’t a bad thing, and nothing says that if you get a better offer, you can’t tell your current employer that you got that offer, and you want to provide them with an opportunity to beat it.

    In terms of relationships, I’m speaking from the perspective of having been with the wrong person for the right reasons for a period of time too long to be healthy, but I got something out of it. I learned a different kind of patience, and I learned to get my ducks in a row. Again, I think the discussion is complacency. When our relationships turn from being positive and fun experiences to being better than the alternative of loneliness or finding someone else, it’s really time to consider alternatives. Again, those alternatives aren’t necessarily breaking up or getting divorced, but they can be alternatives. Maybe that spouse isn’t what you need romantically, but they do the domestic partnership role quite well. Explore options.

    Bottom line, if you’re not satisfied with your life, then you have to examine how you change your environment. Cognitive dissonance isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

  2. Danica Michelle

    November 26th, 2016 at 12:18 am

    Guwow. Thanks, McJuan! So well put (As if I’d expect anything less from you). Cognitive dissonance definitely isn’t always a bad thing. I appreciate you providing the work example where cognitive dissonance goes wrong. I’m a firm believer in the idea that you should honor situations for as long as it serves you, but when they no longer help you grow … move on. So as long it serves you, I’m all for it!

  3. Brianna Dahlquist

    November 23rd, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    Thank you Danica, really loved this article. I really appreciate you writing this because I am going through it in relationships right now. ???? Thanks for letting your words minister to all of us! Xo.

  4. Danica Michelle

    November 26th, 2016 at 12:19 am

    Thank you so much, Brianna! I was definitely wary of posting something so personal but I’m so happy to hear that it spoke to you. <3 you!

  5. Tim Watkins

    November 23rd, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    Amen Danica. ????

  6. Danica Michelle

    November 26th, 2016 at 12:20 am

    <3 Thank you, love!

  7. Jayson Facey

    November 26th, 2016 at 4:23 pm

    “Finger snaps”

  8. Danica Michelle

    November 29th, 2016 at 5:36 pm

    😀 In Z formation!

  9. Briowe

    November 29th, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    “Nosce Te Ipsum” is a greek proverb meaning “know thyself”…

    When I got that tattoo 8 years ago I didn’t realize how much more it would mean to me 8 years later. I’m still learning but the journey has been amazing thus far. Dope post!

  10. Danica Michelle

    November 29th, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    And you were the 8th comment on this thread. Synchronicity is real <3! That's literally what this blog is all about. Knowing yourself and using your knowledge to grow and find fulfillment in all that you do. That's my ultimate goal. Thanks for sharing and as always, love you <3!

  11. Keyonna Marie

    March 3rd, 2018 at 6:23 am

    Everything I needed and more! Thanks for sharing <3

  12. Danica Michelle

    March 5th, 2018 at 12:44 am

    Thanks so much, Keyonna <3 Can't wait to see your stuff at thekeyinme.com!

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