“Respect yourself and others will respect you.” – Confucius.
I’ve always said that I do not believe in the concept of loyalty. As time passed I updated that philosophy to be that I don’t believe in the concept of blind loyalty … but more recently I’ve come to the realization that when people say they need loyalty from an individual, what they really mean is that they need respeck.
What’s my beef with the term loyalty? I really can’t get behind the concept as it’s understood by the masses because I think people confuse the meaning. Too often it’s based on some petty need for an alliance against some chick that your ex was cheating on you with or some dude that was in your girl’s DMs. Why should I despise another human being to serve your insecurities? I don’t have hate in my heart for the people who have wronged me so why carry your negative vibes? If we actually took the time to unpack our feelings and address the reasons we are insecure then we’re less likely of blaming others for how they’ve made us feel because we realize that only we are in charge of that. As one of my closest friends would say, that’s the difference between self awareness and self conciousness.
Why do we feel validation from shared negativity against other individuals? For the same reason that the cliché says misery loves company. When we respect ourselves enough to actually address the reasons why we move and feel the way we feel, we have room to understand others.
I stopped taking things personally a long time ago. We all have our own journeys in life and not everyone moves with malice – some of us are just at different points of our growth trajectory than others. We can hope that people will respect us enough to not put us in situations that exploit our insecurities but when those scenarios arise, we can either interpret that to mean this person is blatantly disrespectful or that this person just doesn’t know any better. Communication can help distinguish the difference. If the person knows these scenarios make you feel uncomfortable and go speeding right through that metaphorical stop light then it may be the case that this person doesn’t respect you. Respect yourself enough to understand what you won’t allow by removing them from your life. It’s as simple as that.
How can you expect someone to respect you if you can’t respect
yourself enough to hold yourself accountable to your truth?